So, it was our very first pre-marriage counselling today. It wasn't how we expected it to be. We were sitted in the  room with 2 chairs facing 1 chair in a room. At the far corner was a study table with a chair. The counsellor introduced himself and explained what we will be doing in today's session. He explained that we will be given a set of MCQ questions with the options of A.Agree, D. Disagree and U. Unsure. We were meant to be answering 198 questions excluding the section applied to couples with previous marriage, it was a total of 170 questions.

What was amongst the 170 question?

Questions about our relationship. Our emotional and spiritual connection, love and sex expectations, and future and financial obligations after marriage. While answering the questions, I realised there were so many issues we have not really discussed and made it clear between us. Many was just an assumption. I realised that many issues raised may not be dealt with a discussion between us. We have not been talking or openly discuss our expectations for each other, for the relationship and about the future.  It just didn't feel right talking about it. I guess part of me is really worried that we might end up yelling at each other.

I am looking forward to my next session.

I am reminiscing the good times in school, uni, basically my younger years. I am almost 28 and I don't feel like I am 28. I am constantly thinking about wanting my family's emotional support and just that sense of lack of independence. I have been living with him for almost 5 years this coming February and I am occasionally , if not always thinking about home. Going home is never my option in terms of live style and career. However, live style includes family and friends. We have friends here and ...friends. We are basically by ourselves. We are going to be married soon, and my married friends are about to have her baby soon. She said to me, our biological clock is ticking and that our fertility is limited to this next 10 years.

This is such a cross road for me. One side of me wants so badly to do something else other than being a retail pharmacist and as what they say we pharmacist do, - sticking labels on boxes. Oh, to make it sound better, we do more than sticking labels on boxes. We also keep customers happy by running ourselves around, trying to keep up with deadline, workload and of course to keep the customers smiling when they leave the store. What sort of job is this??? Pretty shitty i say.

I am whining and whinging about almost everything of my job.

Everything we have right now were results of the decisions we made in the past.